The 1960s-era home I inhabit is lovely. There’s the Game of Thrones-esque stone fireplace that extends across an entire wall; the glass-walled office with polished floors where I watch the moon rise on clear nights. The deep, curved bath, the bush-clad valley that’s best viewed from the wooden balcony running off the dining room.
Yes, all very lovely ... but not mine. House envy has a particularly painful sting when you’re a renter. Don’t get me wrong, I’m aware that I’m extremely lucky to be able to afford such a beautiful home, but the three-monthly inspections are a sweet little reminder that I’m not really the queen of this castle.
When friends talk about the irritation of kitchen refurbishments, I have to keep myself in check. It would be very easy to blurt out something like “don’t moan, you spoiled brat”, but I don’t.
Others out there who don’t own homes, or own homes under par in the style stakes, will empathise with me. The “casual” (read highly staged) Instagram photos of friend’s elegant dinner parties in dining rooms make me wish there was an emerald green “jealous” emoticon. Instead I post things such as “jealous, haha”, which appears light-hearted but is actually laced with acid. But I must push through and not bow to such unworthy emotions. Here are some of my tips on how to deal with the monster of house envy.
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1. Filters
Nothing is real. Once you’re aware of this, you’re well on the path to making other people envy you. It’s possible with the right phone filter to make your less-then-gracious home look like something rather special. All you need is a white wall, a semi-decent table and some artfully curated op-shop crockery, plus table setting inspiration courtesy of Pinterest, and viola! You’ve created an illusion worthy of David Blaine. Add an artful filter and your cheap little dining room looks like a million bucks.
2. Declutter
On a slightly more serious note, it’s easy not to see the forest for the trees when you live in a home that’s full of junk. Those with small children will understand how frustrating it is to endlessly tidy and retidy toys — it’s like a curse straight from the annals of Greek mythology. But less is more (as they say) and getting rid of excess stuff can make your home feel far more habitable. Unless you are extremely adept at trinket taming, it’s best to go minimal.
3. Bargain hunt
If you can’t afford top-of-the-range, don’t worry about it. It’s nice to own lovely stuff, but lovely stuff doesn’t have to cost the earth. I’ve found many a treasure on Trade Me and in op shops in the most unlikely places. Creating a lovely home furnished with pieces that have been sourced on family road trips is far more satisfying than credit-card maxxing top dollar purchases that will take years to pay off.
4. Cup half full
Sure, it would be lovely to live in a gorgeous Mt Eden villa, but if you are living in a warm, dry home (rental or not) you are very privileged. A huge percentage of the world’s population would envy your way of life — running water, enough food, a safe country — so don’t let thoughts of unworthiness get you down. You are one of the lucky ones — even if you don’t have fully integrated smart home.
5. Treat yourself
If there is something that you really covet, save up for it and treat yourself. There is a huge level of satisfaction to be found in working hard for something that will enrich your life in some way. People with loads of cash don’t have the same level of satisfaction when they purchase endless luxury goods as us humbler folk do. If you long for one really special thing that will bring a smile to your face every time you see it, work for it. It will be a reminder of how much you can achieve when you set your mind to it ... and impress your friends at dinner parties.
6. Don’t take it too seriously
Envy is an unpleasant (and rather embarrassing) emotion. But it is something that everyone experiences — rich or poor, young or old. We live in a very materialistic world and people are often judged by appearance or wealth, but these things are temporal. Don’t get caught in the envy trap. For one thing, angsting over what you don’t have is exhausting. It’s also pointless and a waste of time.
7. Keep it in perspective
Your friends with the lovely homes don’t have the same life as you. They may have a beautiful home, but beautiful homes aren’t the be all and end all of happiness. Try to enjoy being in spaces that are lovely, but if you start getting too overwhelmed with envy, think of the mortgage payments. There are people out there who are barely able to afford to go to the doctor because their mortgage payments are so huge. Your little house may be humble, but it’s home.
8. Think of the housework
Unless they’ve got a fulltime housekeeper (which is unlikely) your friends with beautiful homes must spend hours doing housework every day. It takes time to have a perfectly polished home, so unless you’re a clean freak yourself, just enjoy doing the stuff you love outside of the house and pity your poor friends and their endless tidying.
Humans are, by nature, competitive creatures. It’s only natural that we feel envy when we see others living in spaces that we covet. But even if you are never likely to own a home to grace the pages of a glossy magazine, it’s no big deal. Make the best of what you’ve got, take a deep breath, and have gratitude for what you’ve got. In the scheme of things, it’s likely to be more than enough.
